After, she couldn’t help but wonder how much of that statement was true and how much was an aspiration.
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After, she couldn’t help but wonder how much of that statement was true and how much was an aspiration.
And it was in that breath she realized she didn’t know if she should use past or present tense.
Things the Apartment has Witnessed
1. Utter relief when she gets home after a long day
2. Reciprocal conversations with the cat
3. The breath knocked out of her the first time they grabbed her hand for the first time
4. A book that returned some of her hope and compassion for the world
5. Puffy perfectly golden pancakes stacked on a cookie sheet in a warm oven
6. The phone connecting her to solid ground and unconditional love in Arizona from under the blankets
7. Reshuffling of tarot cards in an attempt to make sense of her place in the universe
8. Rejection and hope in several of their glorious and transformative flavors
9. Late nights of racing against deadlines
10. Sunrises that tinted the bedroom pink
Even at 18 years old and without the words to describe it, she knew that her future would take a different path.
As she stood on the step stool driving anchors into the wall, she couldn’t help but notice that the anchors might be more metaphorical than literal.
Opposite the front door is a small rectangular table with a white table cloth with red flowers and two bright orange chairs. The cat has been scratching one of the table cloth corners.
The living area of the apartment is compact. There is a red couch with an orange blanket across the arm directly to the left of the front door when you walk in. There is a cowbell on the door that clangs every time it is open and shut. In front of the couch is a metal, turquoise coffee table. On it is a long tray with cartoon birds, it is empty.
“For a life to count as a good life, then it must return the debt of its life by taking on the direction promised as a social good, which means imagining one’s futurity in terms of reaching certain points among a life course. A queer life might be one the fails to make such gestures of return.”
-Sara Ahmed, Queer Phenomenology
While fall had been chaotic and angststy she could feel an optimistic calm setting in with the cold.
Informant: It was really important to me that I found a place that I could really settle into. I know that I’m going to have to move again when I finish this PhD program, but I really needed home with a capital H, even if it is temporary. Feeling so transient for so long was really starting to get to me.